Coping with grief

 

Grief doesn’t always make sense. Over the years, we’ve learned losing a loved one can make you feel alone, angry, confused and overwhelmed.

How long can I expect my grief to last?

 

Their is no time frame for grief as it is a personal experience. Your grief will last as long as it lasts.

Grief doesn't follow a neat progression of stages or cycles. It's a very complicated and personal thing. There will be a lot of regression, or backtracking to earlier "stages" or "tasks". And that's okay. It just means you are fully working it through in your own way.

Family and friends may not understand and even become frustrated should they think you are not 'getting over' the loss of your loved one.

Am I going crazy?

 

There are times we feel like we are going crazy during our grieving. This can involve a lack of concentration, disorganisation, and a numbness that we seem unable to move out of.

Grief affects people physically, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually. People may be required to make adjustments to their lives like learning new skills, at a time when they feel least able to do so.

If you are feeling like you are going crazy, you are probably fine, and this may be a normal part of your grief process.

How do I manage my grief?

 

There are a number of things you can do which include:

• Accept your own feelings - understand that what you are feeling is natural. Let yourself cry, talk about the loss, or have a laugh.
• Take each step one at a time - live each day as it comes. Understand and accept disruption in your life.
• Take control of the things you can. Understand there are things you have little or no control over. Give yourself permission to grieve.
• Talk to friends and family members - express what you are feeling - your fear, your hurt and your loss. Talk about your loved one – the good and not so good times – it will begin to help.
• Look after yourself - make sure you eat, drink, sleep and get fresh air. Try to avoid alcohol and sedatives.
• Ask for help - don’t think you have to cope on your own. Often people want to help but don’t know how, so tell them what you need – whether it’s a shoulder to cry on or help with funeral arrangements.
• Understand your friends - friends can be impatient or not understand exactly what you are going through as they haven’t experienced loss themselves, so tell them what you feel and share your grief.
• Be prepared for ups and downs - memories sparked by birthdays and anniversaries for example, can bring you down. It can help if you find a way to remember the person that brings you comfort. Visiting the cemetery or a favourite place might be a suggestion.
• Accept loss as a part of life - If you love someone you must also be willing to let them go when their life ends.
• Be aware of advice givers - don’t allow people to entice you into replacing or avoiding your grief such as by going on holidays or making a large purchase.
• Don’t make any major decisions – putting your house on the market or going overseas to get away from things won’t help and will only cause more stress. These decisions can wait.
• Join a support group – grief can feel very lonely, even when you have loved ones around. Sharing your sorrow with others who have experienced similar losses can help.
• Talk to a therapist or grief counsellor – If your grief feels like too much to bear, call a mental health professional with experience in grief counselling.